What About Those Who Lived There Before you?

The comment below to our most recent blog entry really made me think.  

"It's interesting to realize you were always OPEN to the paranormal. I too had a few small things that happened to me in the past. Nothing big like seeing someone, like you. I had just heard my name called in my ear a couple of times, but it showed me, as I look back, that I was OPEN for the experience I had when I moved into the house I live in now that came with it's own ghost! Do you think people who have never had any experiences, don't believe in such things, are TOTALLY closed minded, would have any such experience with the paranormal if they weren't open to it? Could they have lived in your house or mine and NEVER seen or heard ANYTHING? Hmmm. Great post, Love reading everything you write!"

First, I have to says thanks for the compliment.  I do not consider myself a writer at all and it always makes me smile when someone enjoys reading what I write.  At the end of the day, I'm just telling our story; hoping that it will continue to help in our recovery but also help others who are experiencing something similar.

When our experiences where at it's heights, I often wondered if the people who lived in our house/land before us ever experience anything.  I thought to myself they had to have something happen because what was going on was so obvious to us.

The owners previous to us lived in the house for 15 years.  I was certain that if they lived here that long that they had to have witnessed something.  The previous owner is actually our insurance agent so one day I reached out to him.   It was difficult for me to start the conversation because, let's face it, it sounded crazy and insane.  However we have a good relationship so I was able to bring it up fairly easily.  Surprisingly he didn't think I was crazy and was open minded.  He said they never experienced anything out of the ordinary.  He thought long and hard about it before he answered completely.  I could tell he was really trying to remember.   That gave me some solace that at least he was willing to dig through his memories to try to help.  In the end, he couldn't recall anything.  He told me he would ask his wife and daughters if they had any weird things happened but unfortunately a few days later he let me know that they hadn't.  Since the owners before them had passed away,  I couldn't talk to them and was left with more questions than answers.  

I continued trying to rationalize what was happening.  Given that we seemed to be the only ones who had ever experienced paranormal activity here left me questioning our mental health.  Were we just crazy or was their something else causing our meltdown?  The logical next step was to check for something material that could cause this nightmare;  mold, radon, carbon monoxide, etc?  I read back through the home inspection, nothing...nothing that would explain what was happening.  No mold.  No radon.  No carbon monoxide. No lead.  Nothing that would explain our mental health decline or deterioration of our physical health.   

I was out of logical explanations options at this point  How could we see things that others could not?  How is that possible?

We are different

I finally accepted that what were experiencing was real.  I began to realize that we were "different", not crazy.  We saw the world differently than others.  Not only were we different than others, we are also different within our family unit.  Some of us are Empaths.  Some, Sensitives. Some, Mediums.  Also, we all have some sort of Psychic Ability with each one being different.  We were the perfect recipe for the paranormal.

The problem with this is we didn't understand what we were which meant we had no clue why things were happening to us.  It was similar to being on a runaway horse.  Since we absolutely no understand of why we were paranormal targets, we couldn't stop it. 

We finally began to realized who and what we were.  It took being on The Dead Files to finally get the answers we needed to understand.  Without Amy Allan's help and guidance during our episodes reveal, I often think that we were heading down path of destruction.   (You can read about the full story of our episode's reveal in these blog entries.  The Reveal:  Part One, The Reveal:  Part Two, The Reveal:  Part Three, The Reveal:  Part Four.)

I think everyone has abilities but they have to realize and accept them in order to experience things.  It's all because people are closed minded. I feel there are 3 types of closed minded people.

• Those who are closed minded because they refuse to believe.

These folks cannot see beyond their own beliefs; be it religious or scientific.  Until they accept the possibility that there are other realms or dimensions they will continue to deny everything.

• Those who are closed without realizing their closed.

These folks believe but they don't fully believe.  They feel that nothing will ever happen to them but they believe some of the things that happen to others.  They may experience small things from time to time but rationalize a way to dismiss it.   If they would just fully commit to the belief that there is more out there than just us, their world would open up.  I think this is where most people fall.  If you feel you're in this category; embrace your belief.  It's in the back of your mind don't suppress it.  Embrace it.

• Those that unintentionally close themselves.

There are those out there who believe so deeply and passionately.   They want so badly to experience something; anything.  They push themselves so hard mentally that they shut themselves off and their  high emotions act as spiritual repellents.  They just need to relax, clear their minds and center themselves.  It will happen if they just observe and don't force the action.

Now, keep in mind, this is just my opinion.  I only base it off our experiences and observations.   There are a lot of wonderful people out there who are experts in the paranormal field who may have different opinions.  

Even though we are not experts, we are survivors.  That should account for something. 

It All Makes Sense Now

As I continue to navigate through some unexplained and scary memories, they are all are starting to make sense now.  The unexplained has now become the explained and the scariness is not as scary. 

I always had this feeling there was something or someone watching me but would always dismiss it to my imagination or just the fact that what I was experiencing was just not possible.  That was frustrating because I knew deep down that something happened but, because of my narrow thinking, I would dismiss it.  All that did was add to the "what if" anxiety.

Even as my family was going through the hell of our haunting, I was still trying to rationalize and debunk everything that was happening.  It took something targeted directly towards me for me to finally come around.  I wrote about that epiphany in "Can You Hear Me Now!".  My eyes are open now and explanations of things that happened throughout my life are making sense.  It's a good feeling to finally have some reconciliation of past experiences.  It gives me some closure.

I am finally able to close the books on one memory in particular.  It's one that I don't think I have ever shared with anyone.

I have family in Michigan and I went to visit them one Summer when I was a teenager.  Even though didn't visit my father's side of the family often, I still felt close to all of them.  To me it was a different world than what I was use to; different climate, different accents, and a different lifestyle.  I was also excited about the chance to escape the summertime heat of Texas.

My family there lives in and around a very small town that has a population of about 800. It's one of those quaint upper Midwest towns you see on the Hallmark channel.   Everyone knows everyone and everyone gets along.

My grandmother lived in a small two story house just off the main road through downtown.  I loved that house.  It just seemed to have the historic vibe to it and had a unique layout.  My grandmothers bedroom was down stairs and the two other rooms were upstairs.  The two upstairs rooms were separated by a door and you had to walk to through one to get to the other.  Like I said, a unique layout but also a somewhat inconvenient one.

Not only was the town old but, my grandmother's house was old too.  I don't quite know how old it was but it had that old time feel.  I guess something like that is a recipe for something and that's what happened.

I would sleep in the front upstairs bedroom as I felt uncomfortable in the back bedroom.  I would keep the door closed between the two rooms because of that uncomfortable feeling.  As I was starting to drift off to sleep one night, I remember hearing some shuffling downstairs.  I didn't think much of it, I figured it was just my grandmother.  I rolled over and fell asleep.  

I remember waking up in the middle of the night, the room was lite up from the light of the moon and my grandmothers dog had somehow found her way onto my bed.  I figured it was her that woke me up and I put her down on the floor but she jumped right back up.  Instead of fighting with her about her sleeping arrangements, I just let her lay at my feet.  I was starting to fall back to sleep when I hear something in the other bedroom.  It sounded like someone walking around but it stopped as I became more alert.  I chalked it up to the fact that my mind was starting to drift off and it was the beginning of a dream.

Then, out of nowhere, the door opened.  It was a loud squeaky door so it woke me up rather quickly.  Startled, I sat up and looked through the door to other room but saw nothing.  I figured I hadn't shut it well and it just opened because the house settled.  I got up, closed the door and I made sure it closed tightly. 

As the dog and I were getting comfortable, the door opened again.  I sat up and in the moonlight, I could see a figure of a man standing in the doorway.  He was huge and filled up the whole door frame. I sat there paralyzed.  The dog saw him too and began to growl.  Then the door closed and I could hear footsteps walking away from the door.

I was terrified.  I grabbed the dog, a blanket, and pillow and went downstairs.  I laid on the couch (the Davenport as my grandmother called it) but didn't sleep the rest of that night as my eyes stayed focused on the bottom of the stairs.

I slept on the couch every night afterwards as I just felt too scared to sleep upstairs.  I would only go upstairs during the day and always took the dog with me.

I never spoke to anyone about what happened, not even my grandmother, as I didn't want to relive what had happened.  I also didn't want  people to think that was crazy.

As I look back at this particular experience, it is still kind of unnerving.  I was in a different place that I wasn't entirely comfortable with yet and I had no point of reference for what had happened.

To this day, it is still one of the experiences from my past that still haunts me but at least I now understand why it may had happened...maybe