Spiritual Confessions

Since Etta knew her time with us was nearly over, she was ready to talk.  An effort to cleanse her soul and to somehow try to justify all the things she had done.

At first she tried to speak to directly to everyone, however for some reason they couldn't hear her.  It upset her and she began to ramble; talking over herself again.  It was overwhelming me and causing a throbbing headache.

The Reiki notice my stress level rising.  When I told her what was happening. She spoke to Etta in a calm, reassuring voice.

"It's okay Etta, we all understand.  If you feel comfortable you can have Lance relay the messages.  You can speak your peace.  However before you do, I demand that you release Heidi.  Breaking any and ties you have on her as well as releasing any kind of claim you feel you have to her.  Do you understand?"  She said calmly.

"I understand" she whispered

At that point, she started telling everything she had done.  She said she was responsible for all of Heidi's aliments and issues.  She said she was jealous of her; her beauty, intelligence, and artistic talents.   Heidi was everything she wanted to be and she wanted the same attention for herself that I was showing Heidi.  She felt the only way to claim my attention was to divert it from her.  That meant trying kill her by any means possible.

Now, she understands that was wrong.  She was sorry that her actions caused Heidi to become frail and sickly.

"Please tell her that I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. I beg for her forgiveness."  She said

She then began to speak about Emi.  She whispered that she was so sweet and innocent.  Even though she was jealous of the attention she got from me, she couldn't bring herself to harm her.  She tried being a friend to her and tried showing a side of herself that she hadn't shown to others.  However, she said she was sorry if she had scared her.

Her tone then changed to one filled with regret and sorrow as she begin to address Jennifer.

"I took the baby", she whispered, "I could not stand that you were with his child."

It was so difficult to tell Jennifer because had already been through so much.  Losing a child to miscarriage is heartbreaking but knowing someone else caused it just adds another heavy layer of heartache to it.  It was so painful to see her face as I told her what Etta had done.  She lowered her head and shook it slowly.  I could feel her emotional pain shoot through me like a cold wind.

Etta went on to say that she had caused all of Jennifer's other health problems;  unexplained weight gain, thinning hair, thyroid issues, failed gallbladder, depression, and all the other aliments.   Etta thought if she took her health it would cause me to leave.  If that failed, she felt the issues would kill her.  Either way, Etta would have me and that was her goal.

Etta went on to say she wanted everyone gone, only leaving me.  She said she was willing to do everything possible to terrorize, harm, destroy our family.   She mentioned she caused the mental breakdown issues with our oldest daughter, Londyn.  She said she terrorized Chloe and drove the divide between us.  Hoping Chloe would leave; runaway.

Her confessions gave us some closure and gave us answers to why we had all the issues.   She apologized repeatedly.

"I just wanted the joy of the family you had.  I thought if I had you, I could have that same joy."  She said to me and I relayed to the group.

She said she wrong to cause my pain and trying to drive me to suicide. It was selfish of her but she wanted the life that Jennifer and the girls had.  She wanted me to give her that life even it meant killing me to get it.

"Are you ready to go Etta?" the Reiki said softly.

There was a pause in the room.  No noise.  No words spoken.  finally Etta whispered, "will you pray for me?  will you remember me?"

"Of course we will", I told her.

"Do they forgive me?", she wanted to know.

We all told her we did and we just wanted her to be at peace.  We told her there would be loving family members waiting on her.

"Will he be there?  I fear him and do not feel safe." She insisted on knowing.

I could only assume that she was talking about the Hat Man.

"No, he won't follow you.  You'll be safe"

The Reiki opened her arms and asked Etta to come to her.  She told her it was time to go, time to move on.  She was forgiven and it meant she could leave.

"Goodbye.  You have a beautiful family please take care of the girls.  Raise them Christian."  I heard her saw as her voice begin to fade.

It was the last words I heard her speak.

The room brightened as the Sunlight beamed through the windows.  The Reiki took a deep breath and she rocked back in the chair.

The air in the room was clean and fresh.  It hadn't felt that way in very long time.

"She's gone" I said

"yes, she's gone." The Reiki said.

Our relief was overwhelming.   It was like having a 1,000 pound weight lifted off us.

The Reiki told us we had one more thing we needed to do.  We need to have memorial for her, a ceremony of sorts.  It would provide closure for her and more importantly, closure for us.  It would allow us to begin our long road to recovery.

The thought of having a memorial for Etta was difficult to stomach especially given everything that she had done.

It was the first true step on our journey to recovery.  Thankfully, we now had the map to get there but the road would be long and difficult navigate.